Purpose

As those of you who have been reading my posts know, I have been on a transformational journey lately. I’ve struggled my whole life to find my purpose. I had always equated purpose with occupation. I thought my purpose was to be an occupational therapist and I applied to a college with that program. When that didn’t feel right, I switched to secondary English education, thinking I should be a teacher. I started down that path and it didn’t feel right either. After a lot of trial and error, I kind of stumbled into librarianship. I worked as a librarian for thirteen years and recently left that job to become an insurance broker.

Is being an insurance broker my purpose? No. I have learned in the last couple of years that my purpose and my occupation aren’t necessarily one and the same. I have been told by many people recently that I should’ve been a therapist, and while I get it, that’s not for me either. However, hearing that multiple times was sort of the bridge to my understanding. What do all of these occupations have in common? They are helping professions. My purpose is to help others. That’s why I kind of fit into all of them, but none of them were a perfect fit.

If you’ve read my post, Impetus, you know that the beginnings of my journey were the isolation of 2020 and my starting vibrational sound therapy with Reiki treatment. After a few visits, I started to think maybe I should do something like this. Then, as I often do, I told myself it was ridiculous. I’ll show you how my inner voice and I argue…

Me: I feel like maybe I should learn Reiki. It seems like something I’d be good at and it would help people.

Me: That’s ridiculous. You don’t know anything about Reiki. How would you even begin?

Me: Well, I could ask Jason.

Me: Don’t bug Jason. Besides, it would be like asking someone if they can teach you how to be their competition. Who wants that?

Me: You’re right. I shouldn’t bother with it.

And this is how it always goes. I argue with myself until I talk myself out of whatever the thing is that I thought about doing. I recently learned that not everyone has an inner monologue, which surprised me. But, I digress.

So, I continued on doing what I was doing to try and heal myself. I went monthly to vibrational sound therapy and I read quotes and self-help books. As I was making a page-a-day inspirational calendar for my sister, I came across this one.

If you want to know where to find your contribution to the world, look at your wounds. When you learn how to heal them, teach others.

Emily Maroutian

It resonated with me, so I saved it, but I didn’t really know what to do with it yet. Some months later, I was talking to a friend about working through some things and he thanked me for sharing with him. He said it helped him to hear it. It made me remember that quote, so I read it out to him. He told me, “That’s your purpose.”

Even getting this confirmation from a close friend, I still struggled with what exactly to do and how to do it. So, I began listening to Jay Shetty’s podcast several months ago. So much of what he and his guests talk about are topics for how to heal and how to grow. Jay talks a lot about his time as a monk and frequently says that his purpose is to spread these practices and knowledge. The picture became clearer for me. I’m not a podcaster. I’m a writer. So, I decided to repurpose this blog that I had started when I began my HS journey into a general wellness/spiritual journey blog.

I decided that every time I was inspired by a podcast or a particular topic came up for me multiple times in a day or week, I would write about that thing. I had intended to publish a post twice a week, but some weeks are busy and I can’t always get to it. So, I do what I can. Even though I know this is the right path for me, I still felt somewhat directionless.

Last week, I had an out of body experience that I won’t get into right now, but I reached out to my new friend, Gina, who has become a mentor for me. We talked about the out of body experience, but she also wanted to know if there had been anything else that had happened in between that and the last time we had talked in January. So I caught her up on what happened with Gertrude at the beginning of March.

Gina said that I have been gently nudged in the right direction, but since I haven’t moved, the out of body experience was to push me a bit harder, to get me to take notice. One of things she asked me is if I know my purpose. I told her I want to help people but I feel somewhat directionless about it. She asked if I had ever considered becoming a healer.

I told her about the Reiki and how I had felt drawn to that, but that I hadn’t pursued it. I also told her about how I cook. Which seems like a weird thing to mention, but hear me out. When I cook anything on the stove, a lot of the time, instead of using a lid, I put my hands over the pan/pot and use my hands to direct the steam. I call it keeping the love in. I don’t know why I do it. I wasn’t taught that way. I just feel like I need to do it. I said I don’t know what made me think to tell her about it, but it came to mind when I told her about the Reiki. Gina told me that I’m subconsciously directing energy, which is the core of Reiki. She agreed that Reiki is a good place for me to start.

We talked some about connecting to the right people to help me with this, and to some extent, I am connected to the right people. Jason practices Reiki and I will ask him from whom he learned. I told Gina that my circle has drastically changed since 2020. I had thought it was mostly to do with the isolation from COVID, but I realize now that it just all kind of happened at the same time. Gina said that isolation forced all of us to sit with ourselves and many of us were awakened during that time. That reminded me of the following quote, which is also in the featured image for this post.

The Universe isolates you so you can find your soul’s purpose. It may seem like you’ve lost friendships and relationships but finding your path, passion and purpose in life is worth more! For where your soul is, there you will find your treasure.

And that quote made me think of a Bible verse that had always been my favorite as a child, Matthew 6:21. I didn’t know why. I just connected with it. Now, I begin to understand why.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

Matthew 6:19-23

My favorite verse, in and of itself, is about not treasuring earthly possessions. That’s really at the heart of detachment from a few to practice love for all. But continuing, it goes on to talk about being healthy and full of light.

The Bhagavad Gita has a similar verse.

Pleasures conceived in the world of the senses have a beginning and an end and give birth to misery, Arjuna. The wise do not look for happiness in them. But those who overcome the impulses of lust and anger which arise in the body are made whole and live in joy. They find their joy, their light, and their rest completely within themselves. United with the Lord, they attain nirvana in Brahman.

BG 5:22-24

It’s all about healing, wisdom, light, and love. All of this is connected to my purpose.

At the end of our conversation, Gina asked if I journal at all. I do. I’m an avid journaler. Lately, my journaling has changed. I used to write about what happened in my day, what I said, what someone else said, how I felt about it. Now, I write more about topics, like I do on this blog. So I might write about something that happened today, but it will remind me of something else from three years ago, or a dream that I had, or whatever else and I write about that.

Gina also asked if I’m a writer. I smiled at that. I’ve started several books, but never finished them. I realized why recently. I’ve always started writing fictionalized versions of things that happened in my life, using my journals as reference. The problem is that I’ve removed myself from the story. I’ve made myself the observer, which is great when you’re trying to learn to manage your emotions. It’s not so great when you’re trying to connect with people. I need to write myself. I need to be authentic. I need to share my experiences. That’s why I started this blog.